At Carers & Companions, our name is becoming renowned for Live-In Care. Often, we get a call from a family member saying “mom or dad needs help to stay at home.†Through discussions with the family members and others, we often hear a story, mostly a love story of the parents. We have recently been asked by several family members about caring for their mom and dad as an alternative to one or both parents being placed in a nursing home. Again, they shared the same love stories that we heard before and that the parents are inseparable or were high school sweethearts and have been together so many years. Therefore, we want to highlight the importance of ‘Caregiving in Tandem for Couples!’
There are several common situations and challenges that face aging couples. Both individuals may be fairly healthy but need extra help with light housekeeping, driving and grocery shopping, several times a week. Alternatively, one of them may need extra help due to an illness, such as dementia, which the other cannot safely provide. It’s possible that one of them is going for surgery and will need intensive post-op care for some time. In some cases, both individuals may need significant help and attention to comfortably age-in-place. All these scenarios need different levels of help from care givers. Unfortunately, only a few nursing homes can take a couple in, making home care a must.
Separating an elderly couple can be distressing for both individuals. While living together and needing care is distressing, living apart is worse. Separation is known create a void and cause heart break, depression and anxiety, leading to a sharp decline in physical and emotional health for both elderly people. Therefore, for their sake, it is better to care for both of them together at home. There are several advantages.
Freedom of choice. Caregiving in tandem gives elderly couples much-needed freedom of choice. The situation may be serious, as when one elderly person has an acquired brain injury or has early stages of dementia, and needs round-the-clock support from the spouse and a carer. Still, the couple has the right to choose how their care is delivered, which cannot always be guaranteed in a nursing home but we can guarantee at home. If the couple wants to get up at the same time or prefer to have different meals, we can tailor their care package entirely to their needs and preferences, and a carer can provide this. We can change the care plan if the situation changes, giving them total reassurance that they will always have everything they need.
Different levels of care are available. Caregiving in tandem can accommodate different levels of care for a married couple, unlike most residential facilities. It can be difficult and expensive to find a facility that will satisfy both spouses’ physical, emotional, and social needs. For example, an elderly person with Alzheimer’s disease has limited placement options. Finding a place that can look after the Alzheimer patient and still manage the spouse’s physical and social needs can be stressful, emotionally draining and complicated. In such cases, caregiving in tandem is a good stress-free option.
Create new memories. Elderly couples share many memories of raising their children, caring for grandchildren, birthdays, get-togethers and family holidays in their home for anything up to 60 years. Home caregiving in tandem gives them an opportunity to create new memories with their friends and family.
Flexibility. Caregiving in tandem at home can help the couple by providing any care that they need such as personal care, washing, dressing, preparing healthy food, cleaning, laundry, looking after pets, light gardening, running errands and driving to appointments.
Breaks for the healthy spouse. Regular help with the sick/incapacitated individual gives the healthier spouse time to relax, exercise and socialise.
Maintaining the relationship. When aging in place with assistance, the couple can share their room and maintain their relationship, companionship and privacy and give each other emotional support.
No driving for visits. When the couple is cared for together at home, none of them needs to drive daily to visit the other. No stress!
Covid-19 challenges. Living at home removes the stress and pain of being unable to visit a spouse in a nursing home due to the covid-19 pandemic restrictions. That is why many people are looking at alternatives to residential care (nursing homes). Caregiving in tandem is a viable option.
Lower costs. Caregiving in tandem for couples living at home is much less costly than caregiving for both in a nursing home. An early start on home care can delay any health decline caused by the stress of caring for each other. The healthier person can take care for the spouse and a caregiver can come in a few hours per week to handle more difficult tasks. That way, the cost of care can be kept low while maintaining a good quality of life for the couple and avoiding overwhelm for the healthier spouse. Early planning will help the family to get a better sense of what care is best, most realistic and affordable.
Caregiving in tandem should be seriously considered since, for many elderly folks, staying at home with the loved one is a priority. However, it is important to plan in advance, and discuss potential caregiving options before the need for care becomes urgent. Advance planning gives the family a chance to interview future caregivers and build a relationship with the care team in advance. It also gives the family peace of mind, knowing that provisions are in place. With proper planning, a caregiver can care for a couple in the same way they would care for an individual.
Whether you need care for an individual or a couple, we can work with you to create a personalised care plan that suits the old people and the family. Contact Carers & Companions at info@carersandcompanions.com.au or 1300 290 2221 for more information.
